


Forget me not

by floralrain



Category: Golden Child (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-10 03:23:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12290172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floralrain/pseuds/floralrain
Summary: The memories are suffocating him leaving him no space to breathe.He remembers that November night, he remembers it vividly.





	Forget me not

Faint sun rays shone on his porcelain like skin. The thin curtains were dancing in the soft passing summer breeze to the sound of light rain drops. Daeyeol speared though one of his eyes, already dreading the small numbers on the digital clock by his night stand. 5:43AM. He grunts. Waking up uselessly early on a Sunday morning was as one of his strengths. He tried to bury himself under his blankets in hopes he’d wake up to a more humane hour, it didn’t happen, he couldn’t fall back asleep.  
It was hard for him to move his stiff body this early in the morning, he had worked after hours trying to finish the piles of case files for weeks now but they just didn’t seem so end. 

After taking a quick shower Daeyeol decided to prepare a light breakfast - some chrysanthemum tea, an egg sandwich and a little side salad. Daeyeol took his time eating. There was no need to rush today, nothing that needed to be done in particular. So he moved slow, putting his utmost best into trying to kill time. The dirty plates soon found their way into the empty sink. Daeyeol opened the window allowing cold air to fill up the kitchen. The rain had stopped but the headlights of the passing vehicles still reflected on the wet concrete. There was something about the solemn morning streets.  
He stayed seated for a little while longer, nuzzling on the hem of his big cardigan. The scent of the fabric softener calmed him as he gazed out of the window observing the moving cars in the distance.  
He looked around. It seemed almost too clean in here, making it look like there wasn't actually anyone staying at this small and stuffy city apartment. He was well aware of this. It has gotten cold.

Daeyeol took the now half emptied cup of tea into his hands, walking towards his bedroom. He stopped for a moment and stood by the living room entrance, gazing at the dried flowers hanging on the wall in the dimly lit room. Bouquets of different wild flowers in different sizes and shapes; small, big, full and sparse. He couldn't help but to notice their once so bright colors turning dull over time. They weren't exactly pretty to look at anymore but he kept them, he liked them. Nostalgia overcame him and his shoulders were feeling heavy but he tried to brush it off. He knew it wasn't good for him to dwell on these things. He knew too well so he kept walking towards his bedroom.  
Daeyeol had kept the interior minimalistic, there was not much to look at. The walls were still the same white as the day he moved in. He didn't keep a lot of personal belongings.  
His gaze fell onto the picture frame by his desk. The two figures were smiling so brightly but to him the image seemed foreign. When was the last time he smiled that fondly? Frankly, he couldn't remember. 

His vision became cloudy and hot streams formed on his cheeks. Things are just unbearable sometimes, too much for him to handle. Everything seemed meaningless, almost fake.

The only thing Daeyeol was certain of was that the pain he felt was real. He hurt as much as he loved.  
He was far from being okay. Still, he was trying to deceive himself. Acting strong, masking his despair to protect himself and reassure the ones around him but deep down he knew that the place Sungyoon occupied within him had become nothing but a dark void, steadily taking him over.

Daeyeol couldn’t help but to blame himself. He loved Sungyoon with all his heart. Was he not good enough? Where did he go wrong? How did he not notice? He was supposed to be the one to know him the best. They shared 6 years of their youth together. They got to know each other as someone else’s acquaintances, slowly becoming best friends and lastly each other’s significant other. Two halves of a whole.

Where Sungyoon went, Daeyeol followed. They rarely fought. Daeyeol was happy but Sungyoon? What did truly lay behind the dazzling smile, the buoyant eyes? Did he really know the real him? He was not sure anymore.  The sweet sound of his laughter still sent shivers down his spine, vividly ringing in his ears whenever he recalls it

__

 

The last time Daeyeol met Sungyoon was on a rainy November night a year ago. The younger came into the restaurant with red cheeks, panting heavily with his bangs stuck to his forehead from the heavy rain as he approached the table where Daeyeol was already seated, welcoming him with a grand smile and big hand gestures. Sungyoon handed the taller boy a bouquet of small blue flowers and smiled fondly. They spent their evening as usual, eating and chatting the night away. Sungyoon always liked to listen to the stories Daeyeol had to tell. He liked hearing about the older male’s coworkers and the clients he had met, gave small remarks whenever he felt Daeyeol’s eyes lingering on his round lips for too long.

Sungyoon was a college student in his 3rd year, a literature major. He had a curfew and needed to be in the dorms before midnight. Daeyeol walked Sungyoon back to his dormitory after they finished their meal. The rain had stopped and the sky was clear. You couldn’t see the stars in the city but Sungyoon was sure they would have looked pretty he told Daeyeol as the strolled through the vacant evening streets.

Daeyeol couldn’t remember the other parts of their conversation, only Sungyoon’s delicate and warm hand in his and his eyes that formed into glistening crescents when he smiled.

 

The news of Sungyoon’s passing reached Daeyeol the next day. He thought it was a bad joke, he had only seen him the other day smiling and talking as usual. He broke down, no one heard of him for a week.When he returned he seemed to be back to his usual self.  
Sungyoon took an overdose of sleeping pills, not in his warm dorm but outside in an empty alley that cold November night. Daeyeol knew this fool didn’t want to burden the other students by his death. He died pitifully, Daeyeol weeped. It pained him.  
Sungyoon was never selfish in his life, not once. He always put other’s before himself and laughed it off whenever Daeyeol caught him doing so. Sungyoon kept his circle of friends small. Sungyoon was a great speaker, he joked around a lot so Daeyeol couldn’t fathom how not a lot more people got to know the real him. He felt lucky to be able to call this beyond perfect being his.

But when he followed Daeyeol to Seoul for his studies he lost contact to all of his close friends back in their hometown. Daeyeol felt bad for it but he was happy Sungyoon chose to stay by his side when he was the one that left to challenge his luck in the capital city. He loved Sungyoon, he was confident he would be able to treasure him and make him feel appreciated even in a long distance relationship. Daeyeol called Sungyoon 3 times a day - every morning, during his lunch break and in the evening before going to bed. He was excited to tell him about all the things that happened to him and described them to him in the smallest details. Sungyoon could picture Daeyeol in these situations perfectly, it felt like he was right beside him witnessing his every move. Daeyeol called often during the day too just because he missed his soulmates soft voice. These phone calls were short, they didn’t talk a lot but Sungyoon always got flustered and giggled whenever he received a call at an odd hour.

Sungyoon was struggling financially ever since moving, Daeyeol knew. His parents passed away when he was only a high school freshman and he had no one to support him. Daeyeol always wished for him to pursue his studies further, so he did. He followed him to Seoul, got into a decent university with modest grades. Sungyoon did odd side jobs to earn the money to cover his living and food expenses. It was hard to find a place to stay for a reasonable price. His hands were always covered in blisters and band aids. Daeyeol knew but turned a blind eye on it because Sungyoon seemingly wanted to hide it from him. He treated the younger to meals often, bought him new clothes while telling him that he had bought them for himself but they turned out to be a little too small. Daeyeol tried to take care of him like that without him noticing too much, that’s all he could do when Sungyoon didn’t want to open up about his problems to him.

Sungyoon moved into the student dormitory after Daeyeol’s suggestion. The dorm life gave the two some limitations but at least Sungyoon would be provided with food and was around people so Daeyeol didn’t have to worry to death whenever the younger male got sick and he couldn’t rush to him on the spot. Sungyoon liked the dorm he stayed in, he told Daeyeol. Daeyeol was relieved.

 

When Daeyeol got employed at a prestige law firm the summer of last year he thought everything would get better. They planned on moving in together. Daeyeol had the perfect apartment in mind, the one he is currently living in. But Sungyoon moving in got pushed back. Sungyoon wanted to finish the current term at the dorm, he had only settled down. Daeyeol respected his decision. He didn’t ask further questions but prepared the apartment for living with his significant other. He bought cups, plates, towels and a bed that was not too big so the two could cuddle at night while talking about their day. Daeyeol wasn’t good at decorating the house so he left this task to get done with Sungyoon later. It never happened.

 

Daeyeol drowned himself in work, trying his utmost best to get a promotion soon. Sungyoon was busy too, he told Daeyeol not to worry about him. They met less frequently but the older male was ecstatic at the thought of the both of them living together, so he held on strong. Something he now regrets. Sungyoon had no one besides Daeyeol. He had feared this but his presumption turned out to be true.

 

The funeral was a simple one. It was held in their hometown. Relatives from far away came to organize it. Sungyoon’s family was small, his parents left early and the only person who lived close enough was his mother’s cousin. They barely knew each other yet she was given the task to organize the last farewell of a boy who lived like he never existed in the first place. She was married to an ordinary looking man about a decade older than her and had two children, a boy and a girl. Bothersome was written all over their faces. They didn’t care about Sungyoon, they felt burdened. Daeyeol despised them, he could read their true emotions through their fake empathy.  
Not a lot of people attended the funeral. It pained Daeyeol. Sungyoon had a handful of close friends, faces Daeyeol wasn’t familiar with. There was no one to console him. He cried a lot but not on this day. There were no tears left to be spilled.

 

Daeyeol didn’t stay long in his hometown. He slept at his parent’s place for a night but that took a toll on him. Everything in this small city reminded him of Sungyoon, he felt suffocated. Back in Seoul he went to work like he normally did, cracked small jokes here and there, did the tasks assigned to him and went back when working hours were over. At home he drank until he passed out, he cried and weeped on the cold apartment floor. It was not healthy, he knew.   
This masquerade went on for a couple months.  
He got better.  
Daeyeol stopped drinking.  
He still cried.

 

__

 

Daeyeol put down the picture frame. The blue flowers Sungyoon loved so much were forget-me-not’s. A symbol of undying love and remembrance. A silent call for help.  
The memories of their past have become cloudy but the more time he gives himself to rack his brain for the small missing fragments the more vivid they become, just as if he was living them through again. And he needed them to continue.

 

Daeyeol didn't want to admit it but he had become an empty shell, solely living for the purpose of living. This shell was slowly cracking and he was not sure how long he’d be able to withstand it.  
He was trapped in his old memories, a world he had yet to escape. Sungyoon was cruel, cruel for leaving him behind without a trace of his existence, leaving only the memories the both of them shared together to haunt the one that was left.  
But he couldn't despise him. There was simply no soil for him to grow poisonous feeling on. He loved him with all his heart and he hated himself sometimes for being this foolish. 

 

Fall was approaching steadily and he could feel himself falling into a deeper slumber. At night everything seemed possible. He couldn't wait for the sun to set again.

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first time writing in a while. Hope you enjoyed it!


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